Thursday, February 01, 2007

Who Said Med School Wasn't a Blast?

Just wanted to share some of my favorite professor/student quotes so far this medical school year, all for the low price of $30,000+ in tuition a year:

"The release of corticosteroids from the adrenal cortex is continuous, but it is not constant."

Student: "Can you explain why cefatoxi...cefalatozi....cefa...why the second drug on that list is anaerobic?"

Professor: "Can anyone venture a guess as to whether this channel is a sodium channel or a potassium channel? Any brave souls? Yes, Catherine?"
Me: "It's sodium."
Professor, with a disappointed smile: "Hmm. Interesting thought. Does everyone in here agree with Catherine's guess?"
(He turns his back to the class to write on the board.)
Me (loudly and drawn out): "Noooooooooo....."
Professor turns around: "Great. Who said that?"

"No. No, in fact, that's completely wrong." -in response to a student's suggested answer.

"Uh, that's not my expertise, so I hesitate to say." -counted approximately 12 times in one lecture.

"This drug is particularly useful for those who are responsive to it. To those unresponsive, it generally is not as useful." -shocking but true.

"From this lecture, you need to memorize the mechanism for the eye as well as the mechanism for the heart...(pause)...you need to memorize the mechanisms for the rest of the body as well." -always useful when they cut down the information for us

VERY old and funnily dressed professor stands at the chalkboard and stares at his notes for a long time in the middle of his lecture.
He finally barks out..."SIEMENS!...." and abruptly stops.
A 10 second pause ensues.
The professor seems embarrassed and stumped as he stares at his notes.
Muffled laughter begins to break out across the room as everyone asks their neighbor if they just heard what they heard.
The professor finally turns with a sheepish smile, "There must be a typo in my notes. MOVING ON."
(-it is discovered later that "siemens" is the SI-derived unit for conductance, but apparently his notes left out that particular explanation and left him speechless as to its relevance.)

"How you as a doctor break bad news to your patients is of absolute importance; clumsily spoken words of bad news can have catastrophic effects on the family." -no pressure.

"I don't like cell phones."

"There are several diseases which will demonstrate complete resistance to any antibiotics for at least 10 years right as you as a class begin your medical profession in several years from now. There is nothing in the pipeline to defend the world against them. Prepare yourselves."

"You need to stop answering questions and give someone else a chance." -said to the class gunner and to the joy of every other student in the class

Me: "For test purposes, how will we know when to take oral bioavailability into account and when not to?"
Professor: "Well, sometimes you need to account for it and sometimes you don't need to account for it."
Me: Long Pause. "Thank you."

"Not to be political or anything, but obviously, if there was a Higher Power, then the need to keep sperm cooler and in a location outside the body core should have been thought about. I believe anyone arguing for Intelligent Design would have difficulty disagreeing with me there."

"I can tell by your lack of response that you must have never had this material before." -spoken about a subject we had just finished being tested on and obviously mastered

"I can say 'Oriental' if I want. I may look American, but I lived in China for longer than any of you have been alive." -spoken by a very old professor in rebuttal to a student's protests against his derogatory racial slurs.

"Yes, we know that you already have forgotten 90% everything we made you memorize in anatomy a month ago. We tested our own surgical residents two years ago and the failing rate for the test we give you was 100%. So does that prove that our methods of teaching and learning are ineffective? Yes. Absolutely. For better or for worse. That's how it is."

6 Comments:

Blogger trace said...

ahhh..money well spent. your educational experiences make me a much more confident patient, um, or not...

6:30 AM

 
Blogger Catherine said...

Hey, you and me both, darlin'. Keep checking back, I'm adding to this list almost daily :)

8:31 AM

 
Blogger sabrina said...

Hey Catherine
I was thinking about you today and wanted to check in with you. Call me when you can catch up! love you- sabrina

5:47 PM

 
Blogger Brent said...

hey funny stuff. i'm glad you're so funny. and witty. like me. it makes it so much more fun being your friend. i mean if we're at that level yet...

1:15 PM

 
Blogger Sarah said...

try this...write down 25 often used medical phrases or buzz words on 5 by 5 a card. When someone (the professor) says five in a row stand and cheer "Bingo". just an idea given to me when discussing teacher inservices...

4:23 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hehehe, I really enjoyed those!!!
-jes

2:42 PM

 

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