Lack Nothing
And the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
1 Peter 5:10
I have been indescribably sad lately about leaving. This week has marked the 4-month mark: 4 months till I leave for Miami and walk away from everyone I love and the life that has especially recently been so richly blessed by others. I have been shocked at how emotional and difficult I am already taking this; I feel so silly and stupid for already making such a big deal about it in my heart, but on the other hand, I feel grateful that God is preparing my heart now (NOW, while I'm still surrounded by encouragement and love and a strong community), versus leaving without having considered the cost and being shocked at the pain once I've left. I guess I feel like this chapter of my life - that of my "home" as I have always known it - will never be opened again once I've left. I've got a seven year program ahead of me and once I complete it, I will be heading off into the unknown, returning only for visits and weddings and funerals and short "holidays by the sea." And I'm so SAD. And God is so NEAR to me right now. I want no part in looking back, and the verse above alone has kept my head above water this last week. He promises to restore - GOD does! Himself! The fingers of the Creator will literally put me back together in His way and His timing. Where else could I find such incredible love? Restoration, I think, implies brokeness, brokeness that is healed not by putting back the original materials, but by putting restoring materials where the original materials where in order to make the work stronger. If He requires me to be broken in order to make me stronger, firmer and somehow more steadfast, then thank God for the pain! Praise God for the weakness and hesitation and faltering on my part to keep on, because only in my desperation does He pick up the tools to work on this vessel this is finally willing. "And let patience have its perfect work, so that you may be mature and complete, LACKING NOTHING." Here's to admitting there is nothing good in me so that I eventually lack nothing. No one said it better than J. Eliot: He is no fool who loses what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.
posted by Catherine at Monday, January 23, 2006
3 Comments:
could you possibly provide tissues with the blog next time. i can't ven bear to read the whole thing because i am equally saddened by your leaving as i am moved and encouraged by your faith and his character. i will miss you. thank you for sharing your life and spirit and love of Christ with me.
6:42 AM
Thank you for your authenticity and sharing with us your heart. To borrow words from the apostle Paul:"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart" Phil 1:3-7
You will be greatly missed for you have already left countless permanent fingerprints in my life and the lives of all those around you.
7:21 AM
I'm not going to lie...it's really hard to leave. I know because I've done it. However, the reassuring thing is that you will only be happy inside God's will. If you are following God's will in this move, remind yourself that in His will is the ONLY happy place. We'll miss you too because we already do!
6:33 AM
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